Halo
by Lina Inverse the Dramata
Summary: Zelgadis snaps because of a prohphecy they found in a cavern. Short story, L/Z to the song 'Halo' by Depeche Mode
1. Halo

Halo

Halo

__

You wear guilt,

Like shackles on your feet,

Zelgadis slammed the inn door shut with a fury he had never known before, leaving behind him a very disturbed group. Amelia was crying freely as Gourry hugged her, looking wounded himself. Xellos held an upset yet calm look on his face, he had expected something like this to happen, it had only been a matter of time. The one of the group who had probably taken it the worse was Lina. Her head hung and her shoulders trembled slightly.

"Damn it Zelgadis!" she cried out. And throwing her cape and shoulder guards onto the table ran out the door after him.

The inn emptied out onto the road, which held forest all around the entire town, and she found Zelgadis to be gone. She pulled out a crystal and held it in her open palm, within a moment a thin light came from it pointing in the direction towards the woods. Quickly pocketing it she cast a levitation spell and flew off after him.

__

Like a halo in reverse.

I can feel,

The discomfort in your seat,

And in your head it's worse.

Zelgadis stormed by trees and bushes, punching the occasional tree and denting the poor things in his anger. He had just done one of the worlds stupidest things. He had released his anger at his best friends for something that hadn't been their fault. He had hurt all of them, from Lina to the most innocent of the group, Amelia.

He wasn't even sure if he'd ever be able to forgive himself for that one… He had screamed at them all, for their idiocy, for their mistakes… for their happiness… 

__

'Zelgadis we're coming with you no matter where you go.' Lina said. 'We could always have a good time, food, bandits, spells…'

'That's all I'm good for isn't it? A sideshow for your amusement? A way to find spells? You use me for your amusement!' he yelled out the last part and Lina winced noticing the inn had gone silent.

'No we don't-' Amelia started, but was never given the chance to finish.

'Oh of course not, I'm here to help 'spread happiness'. Grow up Amelia! If there was true justice in this cursed world would I be the freak I am right now?!?' Amelia closed her mouth tears shining in her eyes, hurt by his harsh words.

'Hey Zel calm down, no one's using you.' Gourry said.

'Of course they are! You're just too stupid to notice! We're all being used. I don't even think you have friends do you?' he stood and glared at Lina who was glaring right back at him. But another emotion she was showing in her eyes was a betrayed hurt. 'You don't have friends! None of us do! We're just people who have power, power that people like you can use! You only want Gourry here with us because of his sword, Xellos I can't even begin to fathom why! Amelia for her money, and I because of my power! You use people!' he yelled the last parts to Lina.

'Zelgadis if you were any other man I would have beaten you on the spot.' She growled out, her trembling voice giving away her hurt she had been trying to replace with anger.

'But you can't can you?' he sneered. 'I'm made of rock. A total freak of nature. You couldn't hurt me with physical contact if you tried. I'm tired of being used; I'm tired of stupid curses and destined fate! Most of all I'm tired of this 'fate' we've been given! I refuse it! And I refuse it all!' he then stalked off out of the inn in his flurry of anger, leaving behind his only friends who he had just managed to shatter.

There's a pain,

A famine in your heart,

An aching to be free.

He took in a shuddering breath and brushed his hand against his face in a soft scraping of stone against stone, his hands left his face, dampened with his tears. They meant more to him then that. But there had always been this gnawing doubt inside of him that asked whether they truly returned it. That's what upset him. He didn't want to care for someone and not be cared for back… But by the hurt that had been on their faces… Maybe they had cared…

All he wanted was to have friends, be strong, and live a good life… To fill up the empty feeling inside of him that was definitely human, and definitely in need of help. He wanted openness completely, but he couldn't even achieve it because his pessimistic mind wouldn't allow it.

__

Can't you see?

Lina flew over the forest and could hear the slam of something hitting another solid object. 'I hope he doesn't take down the forest…' she thought silently. As she flew done into the trees she could hear and see his trail. So she flew after him, needless to say when she was close enough to see him, he could hear her.

'Fine if that's how you want it.' He muttered in his mind darkly and then using his demon speed, flew off. She dove after him trying to keep up, barely doing so, but she was relentless and stubborn as he was.

"Why is it I always end up chasing my friends?!?" she panted out. After what seemed like forever he finally stopped and she flew and landed next to him and collapsed, gasping for air.

Zelgadis crossed his arms and took a step away from her, allowing her a moment to catch her breath. "What the hell do you want."

"What I want--" she stood up, brushed her hair from her face too look at him, and then smacked him across his face, hurting her hand more then she did his cheek. "Is for you to explain why the hell you are trying to destroy your friends! You are one of the most pig headed immature-"

"Immature? Immature?!?" he grabbed her shoulders. "Am I the one who nearly got us killed in those tunnels last week because there may have been treasure?!? Am I the one who blasts people when insulted, beats her friends for mere food, and puts countries into debt? Am I the one who USES people to the most she can?!?"

"Let go of me Zelgadis!" she squirmed and he pushed her against a tree and put his arm up to her neck.

"I'm a demon and a freak Lina. I have power, I have uses, but none of them are for friendship are they? I'm just some heartless bastard who could kill the great Lina Inverse right now and no one would notice."

"Zelgadis-- " she trembled slightly, "You wouldn't hurt me, so release me… you wouldn't lower yourself to Xellos level for the world--- I don't use you! I l-- care about you guys too much--"

Zelgadis frowned but loosened his grip and his arm lowered to her shoulder level. He then pulled away completely and she slumped against the tree, and one sob escaped her lips before she cut it off quickly.

'Don't break don't break-' she kept repeating in her mind, one cry came out but she had quickly stifled the rest and drew in a shuddering breath, unable to see past the crystallized blur before her.

"Wha--" Zelgadis could distinctly see the moistened trail down one of her cheeks and had heard her sob. Oh gods… she was… 

"You win Zelgadis! I give up! Is that what you want?!?" she almost yelled but kept firm control over her voice.

__

All love's luxuries,

Are here for you and me.

"You are the most rock headed person I know, and not because of your skin, but because you can't get it through your damn head that you are loved! You aren't used and you are needed for more then what you can do, but for who you are—You're one of the few people who I can have a decent and sensible conversation with! You're also one of the most loved people I know! And you're too stupid to even realize it! If you had been more observant, you would have known that I care for you too you big idiot! But obviously you don't want us! Goodbye!" she turned around her shoulders shaking worse then before she had ranted at him. All but running she made it four feet before her arm was grabbed. 

"Lina wait please!" he held onto her as she tried to wrench her arms away.

"Leave me alone!" she started to cry more freely and nearly fell to the ground weakly before Zelgadis held both her elbows in his hands, having her face him.

"Lina I'm sorry-- I didn't want to hurt you guys-- I haven't been the same since--" he cut off his sentence and wrapped his arms around her tightly, wanting to cry just as badly as she was.

__

And when our worlds they fall apart,

When the walls come tumbling in,  


"Since-?" Lina wrapped her own arms around him tentatively, having a dreading fear of what was upsetting him.

"Lina I can't even love someone without worry of them dying because of me!" he cried onto her shoulder.

__

Though we may deserve it,

It will be worth it.

In those ruins they had been exploring, she had nearly got them killed, but they had found a script, older then time, and ten times as hard to translate. It was written in the language of the gods. And when Lina had touched them, they had flashed brightly and the lettering started changing and shifting into everyday common, and on the wall read the words which had sent everything downward. 

Lina would die in five years time after finding a person to share love with. So if she didn't find love she'd live, but from the moment she did, it would destroy her, for her lover would be an essential tool for her down fall. Such a simple thing to be killed over…

__

Bring your chains,

Your lips of tragedy.

And fall into my arms.

Lina closed her eyes tightly and felt herself being picked up as Zelgadis sat them both down, her on his lap while he leaned against a tree. She knew what he had meant now.

"Can't love…" she murmured softly. Not a question, and not a statement. She wasn't sure… maybe it was a request, a request for him to say what he hadn't.

"I can't love you--" he said just as quietly. Lina breathed in deeply as her world felt like it was spinning. "Everything would be destroyed, our lives would just come apart…"

"Zelgadis - - it… you love me… and I know I care for you a lot, I'm going to die someday anyway… it's just that we have an idea when and why. If death means experiencing something like love, it's worth it to me…" she pulled back enough to look into his eyes as he fought out the internal war inside him.

As her eyes met his he felt the world stop, and making possibly one of the most difficult, yet life changing decisions he had ever made, leaned down and kissed her……

"I do love you." He murmured against her lips.

"And I you-" she whispered back as they then continued the kiss, turning their backs on the world, for their own happiness.

__

And when our worlds they fall apart,

When the walls come tumbling in,

Though we may deserve it,

It will be worth it.


	2. Burdened

Burdened

Summary: Songfic, Yes I know many of you probably hate songfics with a passion. Suffer. =P This is also a Zelgadis Lina Pairing… though I prefer Lina Xellos personally…

Disclaimers: Oh … well this song so does not belong to me, it belongs to Depeche Mode, (This song is on the CD 'Violator')

Ok what's going on is I wrote 'Burdened' about a year ago then lost it and thought it was gone permanently. So I re-wrote 'Burdened' and titled it 'Halo' so there are two different versions of the story. Both are different in their own ways, though some things are relatively close/ the same.

***

Burdened 

_You wear guilt,_

_Like shackles on your feet…_

_Like a halo in reverse._

Lina watched as Zel yet again decided he was going to break off from the group and go off on his own to search for a cure. It was always his cure! He never thought of anyones feelings when he did things like this!

He never thought of hers… She cut that thought off quicker than lightning.

She watched in disbelief with the group as he trod off in the opposite direction. Everyone was still in shock at the fact he had lost his cool at them and had yelled at them, screaming what he had been hiding for obviously years.

All the little annoyances finally won out and drove him to lash out in the cruelest way. And he didn't have to lay a finger on any of them. In those moments he had done more damage then any of the dark lords they had fought.

The word can be ever so sharper then the sword, and more bruising than a hand against one's cheek.

Amelia was in tears, Sylphiel had her head bowed, Gourry had gone silent and he too looked upset and hurt. Filia stood there speechless and even Xellos had stopped moving. Not knowing, nor suspecting, Zelgadis would ever crack.

But they didn't notice what Lina had seen in Zelgadis' eyes as he stopped yelling at them all, when Amelia had broke into true, silent tears. She saw regret and sorrow within him.

Only once before had Amelia ever cried silently, putting forth a brave façade. And that was when supposedly her father was thought to be dead.

That's what had brought Zelgadis to his senses.

He had hurt the most innocent of the entire group.

He had hurt the one had loved the most as family.

Lina then began realizing just how much guilt, hurt, and misery he was burdened with.

She had known for a while that he believed he was only a danger to those he dared to care for. He cared for the entire group and was scared he would lose them.And he was also upset, because during the time he had been with them he had hurt some of them and it would build up inside him that he had hurt them because he was only a monster. Not fit to be with humans.

He never let anyone in on what was tearing him apart. And as a result he was becoming worse.

_I can feel,_

_The discomfort in your seat,_

Why hadn't she brought it up with him earlier before he went like this? She had earlier that day noticed Zel had been edgy. 

She should have said something. She needed him there with the group.

Why?

Cause damn it, he was the only sane one there that she could carry a decent understanding conversation with for more then five minutes.

'That's not the only reason why.' A voice whispered through her head.

'Yes it is.' She thought back at her nagging conscience.

'Do not try to lie to yourself. There's more to it than that and you know it. You just refuse to see it. Some great and powerful sorceress you are! You can't even admit when you're in lo-'

'URESAI!' she screamed at the voice to shut up and then looked over to Zelgadis' retreating form. 

_And in your head it's worse._

_There's a pain,_

_A famine in your heart,_

Zelgadis felt shame wash over him in waves. He had just lashed out at the only people who really cared about him. Minus the dragon maiden and the namagomi. His mind was clouded with dark emotions, swirling about in a chaotic circle it seemed. Not letting go of his mind… A slow torture…

He felt horrible. As if a dry dusty desert wind had blown through it, destroying everything. He had always felt this emptiness. There was never a time it was gone.

_An aching to be free…_

'That isn't true…' a voice whispered inside of him, 'There was a time…" 

'Oh? And when was that?' he thought back acidly.

'When _she made you laugh for the first time in years…'_

'She doesn't love me. I just destroyed that if there ever was a time she cared… I can't love her.' He ended.

'Can't or won't?'

_Can't you see?_

_All loves luxuries,_

_Are here for you and me._

Lina poked at her food as did the entire group, minus the Mazoku who just sat silently watching them. Most likely having a feast off of their emotions. 

She stood up suddenly and donned her cape and shoulder guards with fevor and pushed her chair in.

"Screw this! I'm going after him and bringing him back if I have to knock him unconscious and drag him back here on his stubborn stony behind!" With that said she marched outside and began flying after him.

If he would just open up I'm sure he would be happier… If he could think of it… she thought to herself, maybe she could have a chance to make him happy.

_And when our worlds,_

_They fall apart…_

She knew that a lot of hell had been going on lately and somehow it was building up around her. She was, to be frank, tired of this shit. She wanted to be a normal girl at times so badly she was willing to go into hiding, fake a suicide, death, fatal accident…anything. But that wouldn't be very Lina Inverse like would it?

Her friends were being dragged into this whole big mess of a plan too. And it was because they knew her and had helped her countless times.

_When the walls come tumbling in,_

She knew that her friends were going to have a miserable life if things weren't taken care of. And there were times they all felt like they all had no way to escape. But there was always one. And all those hard trials had made them so close over the years. They were a family. They were each other's support. And without one, it fell apart.

_Though we may deserve it,_

_It will be worth it._

She never regretted that they had become like this though. Not once. Everyone had to take chances, and daring for a family and their trust was part of taking chances. That's why they needed Zel back.

Or that's what she kept telling herself. Inside she knew and felt that was only the half of it. She wanted him back too.

_Bring your chains,_

_Your lips of tragedy…_

She was somehow going to make him come back… and somehow would tell him how she felt. She was nearly twenty, she should be able to do this!

His form began to come into view and she flew up higher and tried speeding up and realized that Zelgadis was running! Damn! He knew she was there. Let the chase begin then. She wasn't about to give up without a fight.

She flew after him the fastest she could and was beginning to realize just how fast he really was. Just when she thought she would pass out from trying to keep up he stopped and she sped up and landed in front of him, collapsing to her knees gasping for breath.

Zelgadis stood tall despite his true height, arms crossed in front of him waiting patiently with a slight bit of annoyance. As she gasped for air she noticed they were surrounded by many trees in a deep part of a forest.

After a few minutes she stood, weary evident in her body language.

"What do you want Lina?" he asked coldly.

"For you to come back." She said after regaining her breath.

"If you want a sideshow freak who can help you in a fight and is useful for nothing else than being the bunt of a joke then find someone else." He uncrossed his arms and walked past her and stopped as she spoke up again, clearly just beginning the fight. 

"You were never a freak Zelgadis!" She said irritated.

"Humph, could have fooled me."

"And you were always more useful than just for a fight! We care about you even if you can't realize it cause you're so deep in your own self pity you can't see anything! Not even the light of day."

"As if you are one to talk Lina." He turned to her and she backed up. "You who only know greed! It is always what you want! You'll blast your own friends if it means getting rid of the obstacles in your way to whatever YOU want, not what someone else wants or may possibly NEED." He backed her up and she was leaning against a tree as he stood over her. "You never listen to common sense and you act like a child of five! You are a spoiled selfish child despite your age!"

Lina looked as if she had been slapped and only stared at him in a hurt shock as the others had only hours ago. Zelgadis stopped and watched her with a darkness in his eyes.

"You believe everything should go your way when it goes anywhere but there!" Lina looked down taking all his verbal blows in a silent agony.

'Pleasestoppleasestoppleasestop…" she whispered desperately in her mind. 'I could take this from anyone and not be affected… but not from you…' she forced back the hotness in her eyes fiercely as each and every one of his words hit far better than any man made dagger ever could have.

Zelgadis stopped and glared down at her form. Never before had he felt such anger, except when he had hated Rezo. And she had just happened to be the one he had taken it out on. 'Why her… of all the people I did this to it was her…' his mind cried out silently. Her body trembled ever so softly and she forced the words out, desperately trying to hide the fact she was going to cry again for the first time in three years.

"Zelgadis…" Zelgadis was surprised by the fact she had used his full name instead of the customary 'Zel'. "Please just stop…" her voice trembled and she swallowed back her emotions, trying to hide the fact she was going to cry--- His eyes widened.

CRY?

"I could take any of this from anyone in the world and be able to tell them to shut up and dragon slave them a second later…But I…" she took in a deep breath and it sounded as if she was losing even more of her control, "I can't take this from you-" she sobbed out and he then saw the trails of moisture fall down her cheeks and she turned her head in shame at them.

He had NEVER seen her cry. He never knew she could. And he managed to break that fact. He just hurt the person he cared about again. Just as he had with Amelia. All he caused was pain…

"Lina…" he didn't know what to do. "Please don't cry." Lina sobbed harder at that and buried her head into her hands and couldn't remember the last time she had felt like this.

"Go away." She whispered softly. "I don't want you seeing me like this. Just go." That was when he took a blow.

"What?" She sobbed and tried to step away from him, determined to find some place else to finish her crying. Zelgadis grabbed her upper arms and pulled her back, making her face him. "If I cannot be left alone neither will you." He said with finality.

Lina let her body go weak and leaned against the tree trying her best to cut off the flow of tears. "Zelgadis…I won't wanted to, to make you… I wanted to tell you I care and I really do…" she cut off what she said as Zelgadis drew in a sharp breath.

Was she-- did she almost say- -Was he hearing things? He must be…

She lowered her head and miraculously was able to stop the flow of tears as she drew her emotions up, determined not to break any further. 

"Lina, what is it?" he put his hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him in anger. She had never wanted to cry. Especially in front of him. And he had caused this.

Her voice came out in a cruel harsh manner, "Does it really matter? Do you think me saying, 'I love you', you big stone jerk, will even keep you here?" she bit her lip and tried to break away from him again but his strength was much stronger then hers and he brought her close to him to keep her from moving away.

"You can't run away every time something like this occurs-!" he paused and felt regret go through him again at the harshness he had used. He then stopped dead as his mind played over what she had said.

'Do you think me saying, 'I love you' will even keep you here?'

'I love you.'

His eyes widened. "Y-you love me?" he looked at her incredulously.

"I didn't know your head was as thick as your skin Zel." She said with some humor, her tears drying.

_And fall into my arms._

"I only wanted to bring you back because I don't want you to leave…" 

Zelgadis brought her to him and hugged her, moving a hand over her hair. She loved him…HIM. "I love you too Lina."

Lina's eyes widened slightly and she felt a wave of relief wash over her.

_And when our worlds they fall apart,_

"I know I shouldn't love you, but I do. I know that the prophecies all say that love will be my undoing but I don't care Zel." She whispered to him.

Zel nodded slowly. That was what had made him crack. A week ago they had found ancient ruins thought to have only been a myth. But they weren't. Though Zelgadis wished fiercely with all his heart and soul they had been. It seems that five hundred years ago a priestess had prophesized about warriors who would defeat many dark lords and go through hard trials… Them namely. It told of defeating Shabranigdo to Dark Star… to the end.

It told of what would be the great Lina Inverses undoing. Imagine their shock when they found it to be such a simple thing in life that everyone needed.

Love.

_When the walls come tumbling in,_

"Lina we shouldn't… you could die, I don't want that." He said into her hair.

"So?" she replied softly. 

"But by doing this you're willingly giving up your life." he said to her, trying to keep from sounding as upset as he felt. 

_Though we may deserve it,_

"I don't care Zelgadis… If I am going to live, I promised Auntie Aqua that I would be true to myself… and it wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't love. I want to do everything I can, I love you. And I only want to be with you."  
  


"Lina I love you too. But I don't want to lose you." He held her tightly. If she decided to go through with this… he'd only have her for five years… No…

"If I'm going to do this Zel, I want to make it worth it. Every single minute… worth what will happen." She told him in a surprisingly calm voice.

He brought her palm to his lips and kissed it when she lifted her head up and brought his head towards hers, she was mere centimeters from him.

"And I want it to start now." She whispered.

She then kissed him deeply and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back, drawing them both to the forest floor.

_It will be worth it._

THE END 

_***_


End file.
